Every child is unique. Every child has different learning styles. Every child has different expertise. As much as we want our children to be Renaissance Men, who know every facet of life, this is not possible. Because there will always be one dominant and special facet which our children will be passionate about.
As a parent, it is our responsibility to find out and discover that facet. Remember, we want our children to be Renaissance Men, not Jack of all Trades and Master of None. The challenge of successfully tapping into this facet and discovering our child’s passion is one we have to face. If we succeed in doing this, he can be a trailblazer to whatever path he wishes or chooses to take. We should guide and not dictate.
I would like to share some nuggets of wisdom which I hope you would include in your list of words to live by. I call them the “Triple Be”
Our children should never be afraid to say “No, that’s not right.” But this should be said in a very nice way. Because of course, we don’t want to be hurtful. So, Be right, but be nice. This is the first be of the Triple Be. The same thing goes to us, their parents, We should be right, but be nice.
If there’s one thing that I know everyone of here would agree on, it is this – We want what’s best for our children. However, sometimes, even if we mean well, to our children it might not sound or seem like we do. This leads me to the second be of the Triple Be.
Be firm, but be affirmative. “ It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” No matter how good our intentions are, all will be lost if it’s spoken in a language that our children cannot understand. When I say “language” I don’t mean Filipino, or English, or Japanese, or Spanish, or Jejemon. I am talking about the Love Language. Every child or every person, for that matter, has a unique Love Language. A brilliant person who goes by the name Gary Chapman came up with the five Love languages and I would like to discuss them here very briefly.
The five love languages are:
- Quality Time – a person whose love language is Quality Time likes it when others do things With them like, play a game, watch television, watch a movie or go to a ball game. Si AJ , my son, ito ang love language. Sometimes when he wants to play a game with me or just hang out with me, I would refuse but then he would go “ Mama, the Chuckie commercial says, “ Minsan lang sila bata, sabayan mo na. “ Oo nga naman.
- Words of Affirmation – is the language of love for those who like others to use words to tell them that they are special, brilliant, excellent, that they do a good job! We are cheerleaders “ I’m your number one fan!
- Receiving Gifts – are those who feel good when someone gives them a special present or a pleasant surprise. Just small tangible tokens of your love for them.
- Physical Touch – are people who are ‘touchy-feely’ They like to receive hugs, kisses, kisses sabay hugs, high 5s, high 10s, fist bumps balalalala
- Acts of Service – likes it when others do nice things for them such as helping with chores, helping them do their projects, taking them to places.
Knowing each others’ love language would help bridge a gap, it would enable you to communicate better. Children, you must know your parents’ love language to let them know that you understand them; that you appreciate and know that they love you and to show that you love them.
Parents, we must utilize our children’s love languages to have the chance to instill in them the value of being good. That leads me to the third Be of the Triple Be
“Be what you want to be, but be good”
This is all-encompassing.
Be good as a person.
Be good in everything you do.
Be good to yourself and to others.
Be good at what you do best.
As Abraham Lincoln once said, “Whatever you are, be a good one.”
Helene and Adsila 