Ingersoll’s Creed

Helene (Ελένη)

While I believe this to be true, I will have to say this is easier said than done.  Especially for someone who has gone through so much pain.  Or someone who’s very angry.  You might even say this is so hypocritical. You might even say,

“How can I let the person who caused my sadness be happy?”

Be still, my heart.  I  know right now, you won’t appreciate what I have to say because there is so much hatred in you. You have been deeply wounded and you refuse to believe that time heals all wounds or if it does, it will leave a scar so big that you would be constantly reminded of its pain.  At this moment, you feel as if the whole universe is conspiring against you and that you are doomed to be unhappy forever. You see the world through broken lenses, you only see the cracks and not the beauty surrounded by those cracks. You are drowning in your misery, you never want to come up for a breath of fresh air.

I read somewhere that  “Happiness is a decision. You are as happy as you decide to be.” and that you should never give the key to your happiness to someone else. You have to realize that there is more to life than being in a relationship with a man. You have been betrayed not only once but too many times but it doesn’t mean that you have to give up on love or life for that matter. You are so focused on your loss that you fail to look around and see that there’s still so much you could gain.

(Adsila) ανθοφοριά

Well, here’s what I have to say about this. Enough of your pity party! I also read somewhere that Cinderella got her “happily ever after” because she did not go back for her shoe. So, stop looking back! Get out from that corner of the bed, dust yourself off, look up then look straight ahead, DECIDE to be happy and take a step forward. Never look back, there won’t be anything left to look back at anyway, because by the time you finish dusting yourself off, I’d have been finished burning that bridge down.

What’s in a name?

My name is Aileen. It’s not a very common name and neither is it a very unique name, I would say it is rather atypical. People perceive me to be a person who can be extremely aggressive sometimes stubborn, proud and impatient in other words, a toughie. For people who know me very well, they would tell you that it’s just a façade because they know how a softie I can be.  Well, I think both these perceptions are correct.  I am someone who has a tendency to resent authority if I don’t believe in whoever is imposing authority over me.  I am not overly ambitious and I desire love and companionship like any sane human being would.  I am a bit quick-tempered but I easily forgive and forget. I am a hopeless romantic at heart who still hopes to find true love’s kiss.

I’m passionate about music, although I don’t have any preference in terms of genre. I can sing and listen to rock, jazz, RnB, country, pop, rock and roll, classical, what have you. My mood for the day would pretty much dictate my song choice (i.e. sad = hard rock, happy = pop or RnB, nostalgic = The Beatles). I am a self-confessed American TV series addict. I have a great admiration for the people who create these TV series because they develop stories each and every week.  I love the movies! I used to watch movies 3-4 times a week. No matter what’s showing for that week, I’d watch ‘em all.  Crazy  right?! Yes! Oh, how I miss those days! I can’t do that anymore, you know. Why? Life happened, that’s all I can say. I am a voracious reader. I read almost everything including Nutrition Facts on food labels.

I am a single, supermom to a wonderful 8-year old wonder son.  I can be pretty much what you would expect an single mom to be , but I can be much more. To my son , I can be a mentor, a friend, a Lego enthusiast, a Gundam builder, a Transformer (particularly Arcee),  a sister, even a coffee mate (no pun intended) because I am all these and much more. Being a supermom is my passion and it excites me to know that I can contribute to my son’s future success because I am that someone’s mother.

About Helene and Adsila. HeLeNe (Ελένη) has an alter ego named  AdSiLa ανθοφοριά) One or both of them will be the mistresses of this blog. Helene would appreciate an audience, she’s nice like that  but Adsila won’t give a damn. A nice, catty conversation with your alter ego won’t hurt every once in a while but it can really be tiresome.

The Last Straw

Once again I drew the short end of the stick. It feels as if everything conspired against me. It seems nothing could ever be right. It’s taciturn to say life has been quite unkind to me. Just because I have a knack for making bad decisions, it also means I’m stupid. Of course, not!

Let’s just say it’s hard to teach the heart a lesson. For something that has no brain, the heart seems to have a mind of its own. It continuously asserts itself and it tries very hard to be deemed superior to the brain.
People keep saying every choice we make is a decision we made using our mind. Tell it to my heart.

I keep saying to myself “This is it. This is the last straw. I won’t let anyone hurt me this way again.”
And Adsila would say “Yeah, right! So what’s that  bale of hay right behind your mind for? I’d believe you more if you’d said,
” This is the last straw of the last straws!” Haha!

Sometimes I hate talking to myself because I know I’d talk back and I won’t like what I’d say.

Ελένη

In Your Crucible

You took a risk with your heart again. You lost yet again. You are smiling but you are sad and angry.  You have been concealing your anger with smiles and lies. When the crazy comes in, you throw caution to the wind and do something you know you would definitely regret doing.When the lonely comes in, you crawl back under the bed to cry and be bitter.

Right now, you are in your crucible.

In your crucible there may be no joy, no laughter, no happy thoughts, no love.

In your crucible, there is agonizing pain, there is heartache, there are storms you have to weather.  In your crucible, you are in a fight with yourself.  No one knows when this battle will last, except you.

Everyone goes through life’s crucibles, no one comes out unscathed. There will always be something to be lost but there will always be something else to be gained. You can choose to go through it alone. Or not.

It would be nice to see you happy again. It’s been too long. You have been alone in your anger for so long.

I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. In fact, it’s going to be hell. But I’m here for you if you need someone to keep you from going to that bottomless pit of loneliness.

Just..
Let me in. Don’t let the lonely and the crazy in. Let ME in.

ανθοφοριά

Bliss

It has been years since I felt that way for anyone. You know that feeling of longing to be with him every minute of every hour of every day? I felt that. Again.

When we made love, I felt the void being filled up so fast it felt like I was drowning in bliss. I couldn’t come up for air even if I couldn’t breathe or even if I wanted to,and the truth is, I didn’t want to. I wanted to be swept off of my feet and be dragged by his riptide and be taken wherever he goes.

Unafraid. Dauntless. For the first time in my life, I felt no fear. There weren’t any doubts. He would kiss me and make me feel so secure I felt so powerful. It was as if nothing wrong will ever happen to me, ever again. I thought to myself, I will never be any happier than this. This must be what heaven feels like.

Then she slapped me, put her face close to mine and spat out,
“Take your filthy hands off of my husband!”

I’ve been had. Again.
I know it’s pathetic. But.. Just..

Please let me stay in this corner under my bed for a while more, okay?

Ελένη